October the 14th
Today was a cruel day. I was dutifully making my way across Campus Road, soon to be greeted by a delectable submarine sandwich from Mattin’s Cafe, when I found myself viciously hoodwinked by a local ne’er-do-well. As I reached the end of the crosswalk, the Duffield doors called out to me, summoning me to my delicious reward, but it was not to be. With my eyes set forward, I was unable to see the trap laid out before me. A towering lamppost had installed itself right in the middle of my path. As I hurried forward towards my lunch, I was met with a sudden CRONK, the sound of my head colliding with the treacherous piece of pipe. Both bruised and degraded, I found that my appetite had vanished following this woeful experience, so I retreated back home.
October the 15th
Tragedy has befallen me once more. I was well aware of the lamppost’s intentions today, making careful note of its position as I approached. However, I had underestimated the devilish capabilities of this scoundrel. The lamppost had conspired to untie my shoelaces, sending me careening forward as soon as I reached its deviously chosen location. KLONK! As my face collided with the vile piece of steel, I was greeted with pain and humiliation. The snickers of my classmates echoed around me, and I heard the lamppost join them in their cacophony of cruelty.
October the 16th
I can endure this torture no longer. I have been made the fool for the last time. Already sporting a sizable lump atop my forehead, I exercised the utmost caution as I approached the lamppost today. Upon reaching a distance of less than two meters from the damnable pole, the foul being enacted its nefarious plot. My Airpods died without warning, turning off the carefully curated playlist that had been providing me with the courage to face my cylindrical adversary. As I reached for my phone to resume my listening experience, I averted my eyes from the lamppost for a mere moment. Alas, I paid dearly for my mistake. THWONK! I staggered backwards from the unexpected collision, shame filling my stomach while a dull ache filled my head. I vowed at that very moment to put a stop to this unholy endeavor, and rid our campus of this villainous plague. Tomorrow I will be driving my car to class, though I will be making a quick pit stop along the way. We shall see how the lamppost fares against the force of my Subaru Outback, though I have a feeling that this time it won’t be me falling down.
October the 17th
The lamppost had the last laugh. Unbeknownst to me, it is illegal to knock over public infrastructure with your car. My brief moment of victory was quickly squashed when the lamppost’s agents of villainy escorted me away from the scene of my supposed crime. While I waste away within my cell, I am sure the lamppost is overjoyed. They tell me that it will be reinstalled within the week. Madness! Perhaps even now it is selecting its next victim, that poor soul. Will no one stop this wickedness?